I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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