Are we in a gay sports bar?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
