If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
