Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
