I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish my penis had a tongue
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
