defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
