someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
