I'm gonna have a badass scar
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
