you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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