I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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