so that wasnt chicken after all
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
