i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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