her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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