btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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