Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
