Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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