I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
