I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize
