I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
