i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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