Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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