were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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