I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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