She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
