i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
