I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
