Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
