If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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