i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
