Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
