I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
