after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
