I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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