Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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