theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
