the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
