This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
