Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
