Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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