my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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