We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
