I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
