boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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