life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he shaved USA in his pubs
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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