Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
