K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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