i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
