there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
