How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
