don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
