some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
