I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
