I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
