I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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