I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I currently don't understand fingers.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
