the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
