I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I just put wine in my tea
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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