I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
