i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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