I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
