Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
